Enoument

Hola!

It’s been a while 

Can’t believe that I survive 2021 without hesitation. Well, the pandemic is still going on and we’ll never know when will this tragedy ends, or never. 

Fyi, I got my first job in a tax consultant. The only thing I realize is that this job is what I expected over the last two years. After graduating, I planned to focus on tax since I have a lack of skill to learn accounting, even it’s still related to each other, I’m more into tax. 

Having dualism in life was a burden to me. A half of me wanted me to work in art industry, but the rest of me said the contrary, I still wanted to work in a company. 

I didn’t know myself well. 

Being too rebellious is not my thing, I’m being a realists but sometimes idealists. 

I decided to calculate my talents, then I realize that I’m not too good in creating arts, I’m just imitating it. That’s why I need to learn more, maybe it takes a lot of time to find the characters. In reality, if I wasting my time too much on this problem, I will lost the other opportunities. Why don’t you try another thing? I asked my self. 

I tried the thing I dislike, but I actually need it and I believe I have a potential (in my realistic feeling), working at a company. I applied for an internship in a tax consultant for 6 months, even I passed the peak season.  Fun fact: I don’t like that 6 months period. 

I keep going with my illustration, I convert from traditional to digital arts. I love it but I’m still struggling with finding my character. I hate drawing body and making a raw sketch. 

Since then, I believe that even we try our best to choose something that we like the most, there always been some parts that we don’t like, that’s valid. 

So I stop pushing myself  to find my ‘real happiness’ because I can find it everywhere.  

I clearly understand myself that I hate options, why do we always have to choose something and sacrifice another thing? Why do I have to choose between these two if I can take both of them?

Do I want to change the past? Maybe if I could turn back the time I will be able to choose the art study, international relations, or other things. “I can fix the past” 

But thanks, I never want to change the things, even the worst thing in my life. I failed so many times, I got rejections, scars, wounded, what happened just happened. I never regret for my past, I just have to learn from them and stay alive to face today and future. 

Thank you,

Regards,

Husna Aulia Maghfirah