Self-Defense
What comes to your mind when you hear about self-defense? It's something like the ability to save ourself due to the attack from others. Self defense is categorized by physically and emotionally. So here I am, talking about the emotional one, I mean, when people talk about their experience or something that makes them hurt, it seems like they are on the hard situation and hurted by someone.
I have many friends that get hurted by someone and they always tell me what happened that they claim as 'the whole story'. What I've been thinking that they will not tell the whole story, it must be some parts that they are hidden from me to cover 'their mistake'. It makes me confused sometimes, by telling me their story and suddenly I felt so sympatic for them "Oh, oh poor are you, such a jerk guy" my assumption makes them happy, it's like a nice respond to their broken heart story. However, I don't blame them for saying something like that, I mean that as the self-defense to look 'right' before getting hurt. This case is just a small idea of self defense. There are many kinds of self defense in this world that we never realize before.
According to Segmund Freud(1894-1896) collaborate with his daughter, they two developed 'Defense Mechanism'. Defense mechanisms are psychological strategies that are unconsciously used to protect a person from anxiety arising from unacceptable thoughts or feelings. We see 'unconsciously' word above, it means that this defense is not something wrong, it's normal and natural by human being.
Are self mechanisms important for us? my answer is YES, it is important. We know that, we live in the world that we never know what will happen in the next second. Today, people are nice to us, but they might be bad at the next minute. Fraud once said "life is not easy", so sometimes people manipulate themselves and cover up those things that make them look bad. As I said before, I have many friends like that. Unfortunately, I never fully accept their story as the truth but as the self defense, you know, for instance in relatioship. Relationship is about two person who connect each other, it likes... 'it takes two to tango', it means that to do tango we have to make a balance situation between two people, and it happens in relationship as well. I'm pretty sure that the break up between couple is not fully mistaken by one side(girl/boy), in my opinion, both are wrong. it might be in the girl side is about this one and in the boy side is about that one, we never know what really happen in their depeest mind. Mind is manipulative people sometimes.
I've found many simple conflicts in my friendship's area, it's just a simple conflict, I mean, you don't have to take too much on that problem and then.. just it, it's clear! But it's just for some people who assume like that. one side needs support and the other side also need support, so it's easier for me to be neutral, stay in my position and hear their story. So I made a mini research about what my friends whose in the same conflict. One side told me that she is true, she is not wrong, she takes it from me and blabla.. and the other side, what's my mistake? It's my rights to do that.. bla..bla.. everyone is right. everyone wants to be right. and that's natural for me because I don't want to take seriously about people always want to be in the right position. But just noticed that, being right is serious thing. when you think that you're right forever and ever, there might be an egoism in your mine. It's also still about the self defense, people tend to be selfish(in reality they are wrong) but they never admit their mistakes. Everybody knows she is wrong but she's still in the position that she is right, how ashame it is. I mean, it's okay if you do self defense but don't be childish by avoiding your mistake. Don't pretend to be an adult but you never admit your mistake and do apologize. and... just wondered why do people hard to admit their mistake? even when you're a PhD graduate doesn't mean you always right, don't you?
Still related in self defense, don't make yourself to be provocated by your friends' thoughts. I know, friend is everything, without friend we are nothing in society. However, 'be my friend' doesn't mean you must be the same as your friend from the bottom to the top. During broken heart phases, your friend probably needs your help, at least your support, just support but never be provocated by her or his story because you don't really know what happened before. As we've grown up, it's important to note that we have to filter all the things that come to your mind, we must see the distinguish between the truth and not, but never judge. We can use self defense but in the appropriate place and not for dropping other people.
I've found many simple conflicts in my friendship's area, it's just a simple conflict, I mean, you don't have to take too much on that problem and then.. just it, it's clear! But it's just for some people who assume like that. one side needs support and the other side also need support, so it's easier for me to be neutral, stay in my position and hear their story. So I made a mini research about what my friends whose in the same conflict. One side told me that she is true, she is not wrong, she takes it from me and blabla.. and the other side, what's my mistake? It's my rights to do that.. bla..bla.. everyone is right. everyone wants to be right. and that's natural for me because I don't want to take seriously about people always want to be in the right position. But just noticed that, being right is serious thing. when you think that you're right forever and ever, there might be an egoism in your mine. It's also still about the self defense, people tend to be selfish(in reality they are wrong) but they never admit their mistakes. Everybody knows she is wrong but she's still in the position that she is right, how ashame it is. I mean, it's okay if you do self defense but don't be childish by avoiding your mistake. Don't pretend to be an adult but you never admit your mistake and do apologize. and... just wondered why do people hard to admit their mistake? even when you're a PhD graduate doesn't mean you always right, don't you?
Still related in self defense, don't make yourself to be provocated by your friends' thoughts. I know, friend is everything, without friend we are nothing in society. However, 'be my friend' doesn't mean you must be the same as your friend from the bottom to the top. During broken heart phases, your friend probably needs your help, at least your support, just support but never be provocated by her or his story because you don't really know what happened before. As we've grown up, it's important to note that we have to filter all the things that come to your mind, we must see the distinguish between the truth and not, but never judge. We can use self defense but in the appropriate place and not for dropping other people.
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